(This is an old post, but I think it bears repeating and I really have to write some new stuff. Enjoy.)
A long time ago (pre-nuptials, I believe) I borrowed and lost a beloved jacket of Michael’s. It involved a lakefront festival and much too much fermented beverage.
I felt bad.
In time, I replaced it with a Land’s End Barn Jacket. To say Michael liked this coat is a gross understatement. He wore it in any weather. Wind chills could be hovering near 30 below and he’d claim the barn jacket was sufficient to keep him toasty warm. He wore it everywhere -- weddings, fancy dinners, job interviews.
I once had to prevent him from wearing it to a funeral over a perfectly nice dark suit.
Of course, even the most well-made garment must at some point succumb to this amount of wear. One day, Michael caught a side pocket in a doorknob and ripped a large hole around the pocket seam.
I offered to repair or replace the jacket, but Michael resisted. He continued to wear the coat, claiming “no one can even see that little rip.” After repeated pleas that he stop wearing the coat, he maintained the position that the tear was minor and practically unnoticeable. I tried begging, bribing and hiding the coat. Yet each morning, there it was, the ”practically unnoticeable” rip staring me in the face.
One day, as Michael was walking home from work, he attracted the attention of a group of young men, possibly students from the Milwaukee High School of the Arts. In a fit a high spirits, these men attempted to get Michael’s attention:
When Michael smartly attempted to ignore these gentlemen, they decided to up their game a bit.
(At this point, please remember the boys were across the street from Michael.)
“YO, ‘OL RIP-ASS COAT BITCH!”
Yep, that tear was “barely noticeable,” isn’t that right, ‘ol rip-ass coat bitch?
I have to admit, when Michael relayed the story to me, I was not a good spouse. Instead of consoling him about the harassment, I fell to the floor and laughed uncontrollably for twenty minutes. I stood up, attempted to pull myself together and offer support, but then noticed Michael was still wearing the coat. I once again fell in a fit of hysterical laughter. This happened on and off for the next week or so. I'm giggling right now just writing about it.
But the next day, I went out and bought 'ol rip-ass coat bitch a new barn jacket.
So, if you want to avoid harassment from teens and ridicule from your spouse, a new, unblemished Land's End Men's Barn Jacket is a great item to include in your outerwear wardrobe.