How bad does pizza have to be for kids to reject it? Pretty fucking bad.
I don’t like to trash Trader Joe’s products. I like the store, I really like the prices and I like the fact that I can purchase a chunk of blue cheese without 1) borrowing money or 2) having to interact with cheese personnel who must fetch my gorgonzola from behind the glass case – I’m looking at you, Whole Foods.
But as we’ve discussed before, the ‘Trader sometimes peddles foods that just aren't that great. And some are downright God-awful. Like the three-cheese pizza.
Every good pizza needs a solid foundation—the crust. To describe the TJ’s pizza crust as “cracker-like” does an injustice to crackers everywhere. Try “cardboard-like.” Actually, cardboard is softer, moister and likely has more flavor. The crust is also weirdly powdery/floury which doesn’t exactly help with the dryness.
Next, the sauce. Way, way, WAY too sweet. It’s more like some type of gag-inducing sweet tomato preserves instead of pizza sauce.
This pizza claims to have three cheeses. With so many cheeses to choose from, you’d think they’d be less stingy. They could double, nay, TRIPLE the amount of cheese and it still probably wouldn’t be enough.
The overall flavor is very bland. You get the grossly sweet flavor of the sauce, and that’s it – you’re left desperately trying to choke down the crust.
Our children have never rejected pizza of any type until the Trader Joe’s three-cheese pizza.
So if you love candy-sweet yet somehow completely tasteless pizza, or if you love eating cardboard and hate cheese, or if you’re trying to get your pudgy kids to loose a little weight, then Trader Joe’s three-cheese pizza is for you.
I don’t like to trash Trader Joe’s products. I like the store, I really like the prices and I like the fact that I can purchase a chunk of blue cheese without 1) borrowing money or 2) having to interact with cheese personnel who must fetch my gorgonzola from behind the glass case – I’m looking at you, Whole Foods.
But as we’ve discussed before, the ‘Trader sometimes peddles foods that just aren't that great. And some are downright God-awful. Like the three-cheese pizza.
Every good pizza needs a solid foundation—the crust. To describe the TJ’s pizza crust as “cracker-like” does an injustice to crackers everywhere. Try “cardboard-like.” Actually, cardboard is softer, moister and likely has more flavor. The crust is also weirdly powdery/floury which doesn’t exactly help with the dryness.
Next, the sauce. Way, way, WAY too sweet. It’s more like some type of gag-inducing sweet tomato preserves instead of pizza sauce.
This pizza claims to have three cheeses. With so many cheeses to choose from, you’d think they’d be less stingy. They could double, nay, TRIPLE the amount of cheese and it still probably wouldn’t be enough.
The overall flavor is very bland. You get the grossly sweet flavor of the sauce, and that’s it – you’re left desperately trying to choke down the crust.
Our children have never rejected pizza of any type until the Trader Joe’s three-cheese pizza.
So if you love candy-sweet yet somehow completely tasteless pizza, or if you love eating cardboard and hate cheese, or if you’re trying to get your pudgy kids to loose a little weight, then Trader Joe’s three-cheese pizza is for you.
