2008 Beijing Olympics Review: “You just don’t take steps on your pommel horse dismount.”

If your family is like ours, you watch the Olympics less for the athletic events and more to mock the commentators, cheesy athlete profiles and leave-nothing-to-the imagination uniforms.

2008 promises not to disappoint from a mockability standpoint, although the opening ceremony was a little too classy for my taste.

But really, what opening ceremony can ever compete with the powerfully regal display from the Atlanta games, especially the “Traditions of the South” portion of the show. Remember the cheerleaders-in-the-back-of-pickup-trucks routine? What a great opportunity to show the world all that which makes our country great, like, underage floozies getting knocked up by rural meatheads in gas-guzzling 4x4s.

I know I had goose bumps.

Anyway, I’ve only been watching for about an hour, but I’ve already heard all of these old Olympic standbys:

“Tonight’s gold metal spotlight – brought to you by CHEVY!”

“Not at the Olympics.”

“You just don’t DO that at the Olympics!”


“Nailed it!”

“He just needs to get through it cleanly.”

And my favorite so far: “You just don’t take steps on your pommel horse dismount.”

We’ll try to post some of our favorite 2008 Olympic highlights.

In the meantime, if you’re having a hard time discerning the US athletes, check the hair. On men, if you see spikes in the font and much hair gel, it’s likely he’s a part of team USA. On women, look for chunky blond highlights.


tommcmahon said...

"Bolivia is where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid met their demise."

A co-worker of mine swears she heard Bob Costas say that during the opening ceremonies of TWO different Olympics.

Anne Quimby Mathias said...

Tom, I can verify. I distinctly remember Costas saying that at either the Sydney or Athens opening ceremony games. From what your co-worker remembers, maybe both.

3rd Way said...

if you see spikes in the font and much hair gel, it’s likely he’s a part of team USA

The Chinese men's gymnastics team probably uses a tenth of all the hair gel consmumed in China.

With their spiked hair and perfectly choreographed high-fiving after their routines the Chinese gymnasts are doing a really great impression of the us teams of past Olympics.

Anne Quimby Mathias said...

3rd, I totally noticed that last night -- both the spiky, crispy hair and the highly standardized high-fiving. It's really too bad.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I catch any results from the internet, and use the TV as a sleeping device...I think Costas thinks he's paid by the amount of caustic phrases he can use during an hour...I'm as cynical as anyone, but even I have a limit...


Anne Quimby Mathias said...

Do you think Bob Costas dyed his hair? It seems very dark

I think old Bob had a date with Just for Men before his Olympics started.