Stupid Review Review: The Mission

My eldest son and I recently watched “The Mission” on Netflix instant viewing. It’s a fine movie; beautiful cinematography, great music and solid performances by young DeNiro, Irons and Nesson in non-type roles.

Most movie critics and Netflix viewers rated this movie in the 4 to 5 star range, and almost everyone I know likes the film.

That’s why I was so surprised to see a one-star rating amongst the rave reviews.

I was intrigued – maybe the reviewer felt the script romanticized colonization and proselytization? Were there gross historical inaccuracies? Did she feel DeNiro’s performance was a bit wooden?

Nope. It was boobies.

Here’s the actual review:

1.0 Stars

Does not deserve a PG rating! It deserves an R rating for nudity. For those of you with children or actually do not want to see nudity then DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM

1 out of 38 people found this review helpful. (Uh, yeah.)

There are reasons to think twice before showing this movie to young children – there is violence, slavery, fratricide, talk of infanticide and some pretty intense scenes. Notice no mention of those issues in this review. Nope. This genius was offended by breasts and buttocks shown exclusively in the context of traditional indigenous dress. Or as Michael put it, National Geographic grade nudity.

People like this are the reason why the bloodiest, most gory torture-porn movies get by with an R (or even PG-13) rating, yet anything with extensive sexual themes or nudity gets the box-office killing NC-17.

Don’t believe me? Check out this documentary about the MPAA and how films are rated.

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