I'm not going to explain why I was at Wal-Mart, but rest assured it is an extremely unusual experience for me—like less than once a year unusual. Not only do I oppose Wal-Mart from a community and human rights standpoint, I find the experience of entering a store extremely unpleasant and, how can I put this delicately, really fucking white-trashy.
But in Wal-Mart I was, and like 27 billion other people in the country, I was lured lemming-like to the mind-blowing savings offered by Wal-Mart house brands.
Honestly, can you blame me? A similarly sized package of White Cloud Supreme (WCS) diapers was like NINE whole dollars less than our tried and true Huggies Supremes. The package claimed the same features, had a cute, racially indiscriminate boy on the cover, and amazingly, no licensed characters on the package or the diapers themselves. I quickly rationalized that the diapers must be exactly the same as Huggies Supremes, but so much cheaper because they don't pay licensing fees to whichever evil corporate conglomerate owns Pooh, Piglet and Tigger. See!? I might be shopping at Wal-Mart, but I’m still sticking it to the man. Power to the people!
My empowered feelings diminish once I get home and strap the WCSs on my sweet unsuspecting boy.
First let’s talk absorbency. Try none. You know those maxi-pad commercials where a manicured female hand dribbles a tiny eyedropper of scientific-looking blue liquid in order to demonstrate absorbency? The volume of that dropper would stretch this diaper’s capabilities to the very outer limits.
Now imagine the urinary capacity of a potty training toddler, who is very good at holding it for hours before releasing the floodgates. These puppies didn’t stand a chance. Absolutely useless. Nay, MORE than useless. I’d rather have him go commando so I wouldn’t have to deal with wet clothing, bedding AND the horrifyingly gross task of picking up the millions of globules of urine-plumped gel that burst forth at a whisper-soft brush of the “cloth-like covering.”
By now, you may have guessed that I’m not real impressed with the White Cloud nappies.
I'll leave you with a frightening thought. These were White Cloud SUPREME diapers. God help those who were suckered into buying the basic White Clouds.
Fun fact! When I spell-checked this piece, Microsoft wanted me to replace “Huggies” with “Haggis.” Awesome! Actually, maybe Wal-Mart should take heed – sheep casings may work better as a diaper cover than whatever material they’re using now.
But not all was lost…for as you will see, I also purchased Wal-Mart’s organic cotton baby wipes, which were a pleasant surprise (esp. after the useless fucking diapers)!